The Sellout Trifecta Is The Leading Cause of Minivans in America

As you may have gathered from reading my Twitters, I have been going to the gym. Not only that, I enjoy going to the gym. How did this happen? I like to say it's the sellout trifecta:

1. Girlfriend (with dog)
2. REAL job (with health insurance)
3. Gym Membership (just added!)

I might as well buy a minivan, and start worrying about whether or not the neighbor's fence line is on my property.
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But the truth is I've always enjoyed strenuous physical activity. I worked outside digging holes for various organizations for many summers partly because it just feels good to be active.

But in the end this is all Claire's fault; she's the one that started me going. I think I might be addicted.
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Is it time for a link-dump? Oh yes!
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As you read yesterday, the International Space Station turned 10 on Nov. 20, 2008. And today, the most recent addition to the ISS, new machine that converts urine into water, is fully operational. I know that gets me excited about the thrill and romance of space travel!

Joking aside, it's a vital technology for any long-term missions, such as moon settlements or travels to mars.

So, the next time you're supping at the ISS, just remember to forgo the water and stick with the wine. You'd also do well to avoid the meatloaf; you really don't wanna know where that comes from. (Rimshot)
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Today on his blog, my pal Keith linked to this video about the dangers of the Military Industrial Complex. Funnily enough, both he and I are part of it.
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An absolutely dead-on presentation about the issues facing the music industry. The presenter rightly points out that worrying about CD sales is idiotic; when consumers and artists are no longer satisfied with the way music is sold, the industry needs to respond to the demand.

Many thanks to long-time pal and former roommate Justin for the heads up on that one. Justin, I had a dream about you last night. In all the dreams I have about you, we end up being pursued by the police.

Happy Decade, Space Station!

I was disappointed when I didn't hear anything about the International Space Station's 10-year anniversary this past thursday. Thankfully, everyone's favorite photoblog The Big Picture came through in a big way. Take a look.

WikiCommons also has some great ISS images, so check that out if you have the time.
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And for all you playing at home, this beats the record set by the Russian space station Mir, which was deorbited just a few days before its tenth anniversary.

Bachelor Chow

The perfect meal for any occasion!*

"Delicious" Recipe

Pour Vegetable Chip Crumbs over lukewarm microwaved Tostito's Queso dip.
Eat with the slightly less destroyed chip remnants from another bag.
Remember that you have a beer left in the fridge.
Remember that beer has calories; and therefore qualifies as food.
Realize that the beer is, by comparison, the gourmet part of the meal

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My super power is, without a doubt, the ability to not feel hunger. For some, when their bellies begin to empty they feel an immediate drive to rectify the situation.

If it weren't for the regularity of meals, I would blast right through the day without even stopping for a scone. This was particularly true in college. I have memories of my Freshman year, spent under a loft bed in West Quad. During finals/midterm time, I would often go a whole day without eating, simply because I was distracted by a paper I was working on.

Sophomore year continued this habit. At one point, I recall eating nothing but bread, water, and Nutella for about a week. The problem was that although I could cook, and had the facilities to do so, I frequently found myself struck with an intense lethargia. More than once, Kris would drive herself across town and drag me downstairs to NYPD and force me to eat something.

"Oh no, I'm not hungry at all." I'd say. "But, my! Is that ziti pasta mixed with chicken and sauce, wrapped in an 8" long baked roll? My goodness! OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM."

The regularity of work and living with Claire -- who does feel hunger -- has changed all that. But every now and again I fall into my old habits. I know this has happened when I look up at the clock and realize I've spent hours watching Sean Connery clips on YouTube, instead of making dinner.
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*Read: when Claire has driven back to Illinois for the Holidays with the dog, in a rental car, and this is all you can muster.

Time to Blog

You know you've neglected your blog when you receive emails from family members asking not "how are you? when are you coming home?" but, "when is your blog going to update?"

It's true; I've been unfair and unkind to you, my gentle readers. But I assure you that my silence has not been out of dislike for you, or out of a hatred for the medium of Blog. No, my reticence has one source: work.

On the job, much like at school, I didn't really feel like there was anything worth writing about. However, I have had a change of perspective that I hope will be made plain in the coming days.
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Careful readers will recall that I am currently employed at SAIC Integrated Communications. Recently, I had the pleasure of decorating my office. I'd share pictures, but the security policy forbids me from taking any. So, if you'll just have to trust me when I tell you that I have a large, golden shrine to the Zarathustra in my office.

Beyond that, I've put up a fantastic print of Bob Dylan by iconic 60's artist Peter Max.

It really ties the room together.

Also up is a color cartoon by Ben Katchor, whom I did not see when I didn't go to SPX a few weeks back. It tells the story of a man who, like me, has a small non-descript office. Unlike me, he has a mysterious pipe running through his office -- the undisclosed function of this eventually frustrates him to rash action.

Another thing I can't show you is the lovely picture of feet taken by Cathy Fisher, current Gargoyle editor. It's a lovely black and white photograph showing several feet perched around the rim of a plaster bucket containing many legos. It was taken in the Gargoyle office, and was actually, I think, not staged. I liked to believe that it represents teamwork. I might write "TEAMWORK" below it in striking, bold letters.

Lastly, I put up a small painting done by my long-time pal Kris Jacque. It was a Christmas gift from a while back. Being very colorful, I think it goes well with the Peter Max print.

Puppies make an office a better place.

That's all for now. Soon, I hope to have some family photos, pictures of Claire, and a wall-sized rasterbation of Iceland up on my wall.
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Many of you have asked what Integrated Communications does. I sincerely doubt I have done an adequate job of explaining it. So, take some time and watch this video. It was written, directed, shot, edited and produced by IC on behalf of the US Marine Corps. It's a training film for the Casualty Assistance Call Officers. I have to say, it's very impressive.

FILM.

Awesome Autumn

APPLES
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Two weeks ago, Claire, her friend Kayla, and I, all went apple picking somewhere in Virginia. We had a blast, but we also had 28lbs of apples. One pie, several hours, and a bunch of jars later we know have oodles of Apple Butter and Apple Sauce. It's delicious.

From Awesome Autumn

It would be in your best interest to be nice to me. You might get some!

While picking apples, I tasted a sample of locally produced apple wine. Folks, let me tell you, this stuff is fantastic. It's from the Chateau O'Brien, and I highly recommend it.

PUMPKINS
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This year we had three pumpkins, but only two were carved. The third has been relegated to the role of General Halloween Decoration, since it decided to go rotten a day after purchase and not be a "team player."

Regardless, the other two turned out fantastic.

From Awesome Autumn

Auntie Ba has also been rather creative with the gords this year. Take a look. (1, 2)

APPLE
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When I was lookin' for a steady job, I promised myself that as soon as I got one -- regardless what kind of job -- I would do a few things. The first was to start playing the video game Okami. I haven't done this yet. The second is best said in pictures:

From Awesome Autumn

Folks, that's a brand new MacBook Pro you're lookin' at right thar. Atomsk has been a faithful retainer these past five years, but has started to fray around the edges. He'll be kept in reserve for the moment, supporting this beautiful unamed machine until it's time for him to be recycled.

ANN ARBOR
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Last week I traveled all the way back to Ann Arbor to attend the 99th Gargoyle Reunion. I had a great time. So great, in fact, that I managed to not take any pictures.

I spent most of my long weekend in the company of my best bud Kris, and the current GargStaff. They're a great bunch, and have already done great things -- as demonstrated in their website.

Dad and Julia also paid me a quick visit while I was in the area. It was so great to see them again.

I take it back, I do have one picture.

From MarsEdit Images

It's much more frightening in person.
Happy Halloween.

The First Pay-Day Of The Rest Of Your Life

As you all know, I started my new job as a technical writer/editor at SAIC two weeks ago. Since then, there has been radio silence.

Until today. Today is pay-day. The end of my first two-week cycle.

I am so relieved.
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I haven't done a whole lot at my job, but what I have done I am proud of. The first two days were nothing but orientation(ing) and online web training. The experience was not what I would call "enjoyable," but for a steady paycheck I will gratefully do whatever is asked of me.

Wednesday I attended the AUSA conference, a trade show for US Army contractors. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. It was just mind boggling to walk around a room filled with tanks, and people trying to sell you tanks.

For the next several days I caught up on info related to the job. Basically, I read the US Army Weapon System Handbook. It's a pretty good read, except for the vital information about the Secondary Redundant Paper Clip Logistics Network (SRPCLN). That made for some pretty dry reading.

Since then I've had a few projects to work on. Right now I have one internal article and a journal article on my plate. It feels good to have something to sink you teeth into.
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I'm pretty sure this doesn't make for good reading -- it is work after all.
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The only things I don't like about my job aren't really related to the job itself. Actually, the only thing I don't like about it is having to drive an hour there and an hour back everyday.
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SAIC Integrated Communications, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

The Eve

Ever wonder what I'll do if this SAIC job falls through? Flickr has the answer.


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New job starts tomorrow! All the paperwork is (allegedly) complete. I am unbelievably nervous! Oh, lord!

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Dan Aykroyd is making the coolest vodka. That is, if it exists.

The Blessed Puppy

October 4th is the feast day of St. Francis, the founder of the Franciscan Order. He's been a favorite of mine, if only for taking off all of his clothes just to make a point.

However, St. Francis is known for much more than being an idealistic streaker. He's famous for his empathy towards animals, especially one episode in which he preached to a flock of birds. I've always heard the story as an example of Francis' characteristic kindness toward all the creatures of the Earth. But, in The Name of the Rose, by Umberto Eco, it is suggested that preaching to birds was also a satire. An expression of his frustration with his message not being received by those he preached to: no one was listening, so he may as well preach to birds.

According to Wikipedia, he said thus:

My sister birds, you owe much to God, and you must always and in everyplace give praise to Him; for He has given you freedom to wing through the sky and He has clothed you…you neither sow nor reap, and God feeds you and gives you rivers and fountains for your thirst, and mountains and valleys for shelter, and tall trees for your nests. And although you neither know how to spin or weave, God dresses you and your children, for the Creator loves you greatly and He blesses you abundantly. Therefore… always seek to praise God.

To celebrate his Feast Day, many churches hold a special service for animals -- specifically, pets. However, it is occasionally expanded. The first Earth Day celebrations at the Cathedral to St. John The Divine involved a procession of many of the animals from the New York Zoo -- including elephants, I am told.

The highlight of the service is the blessing of the animals. It was for this, that we sojourned down to the beautiful Washington National Cathedral to get Tenzing, the puppy, blessed.

Blessing of the Animals

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I am still completely excited for my new job!
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Tomorrow, I hope to attend the Small Press Expo. Ben Katchor, author of Julius Knipil: Real Estate Photographer, Bryan Lee O'Mally, author of Scott Pilgrim, and Tom Tomoorrow are to be in attendance. Awesome!

I Got A Job!

Folks, the impossible has happened. I actually got the offer some time ago, but I haven't wanted to talk about it because it seems too good to be true. Much like when I was accepted to the University of Michigan. I spent the first year of college positive that I would get a call from some Dean somewhere informing me that my selection was due to a clerical error.

However, the job situation has progressed to the point where I don't think it can really fall through right now. Unless I get fired, or something.
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Starting on Monday, I will be a Technical Writer/Editor at SAIC. I'm stoked.
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In order to prepare me for my new employment, Claire took me to the Men's Warehouse. Pictures of my new chic moneysink will be made available, if the interest is there.
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I don't know if I am getting this across well enough, but I AM EXCITED!

An Update On The Brink Of Stunning News

I had a great, great time in Philly with E.J.. We hung around, I hurt myself bowling, and I took the liberty of introducing her to the art of Robert Crumb -- via an exhibit of his work at UPenn.

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I wonder what's happening to those Pogo books that I donated to the UM library. Here's a collection of covers.

Swear that you'll vote this year, and get a free MP3 of Wilco and Fleet Foxes (whom, I gathered from his Twitters, John Hodgman enjoys) covering Bob Dylan (who should be on Twitter, but as yet is not). Do it here!

Very nice short by Bryan Lee O'mally, author of Scott Pilgrim.
Watch your step, she keeps goats.

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Big news in the next few days. Keep on the edge of your seat. If you do not have a seat, find one and sit in it until I make an announcement.

New Functionality, and How To Read This Blog Better

I have been operating under a false assumption: because I use an RSS Feed Reader for all my blog reading, I assumed everyone else does, too. Therefore, I was relatively unfazed by letting weeks slide between posts. You see, if you're all on Feed Readers, then I really don't need to worry about losing readers to my own inactivity.

I then realized that some of you might not know what an RSS Feed or Feed Reader is, what follows is a primer on those subjects. New stuff after the block-quote text, so skip down a ways if you like.

An RSS Feed Reader allows me to view all of these frequently updated websites from one place. It's like a newspaper, with all the latest from the sites you read. Sometimes, this is a client program -- like Mail, Outlook, or Thunder Bird -- that lives on your desktop. In this case, you fire up the application, and can view all the updates on the websites that you subscribe to. Many of you may be using a browser with built-in RSS support. FireFox and Safari can allow you to subscribe to and read feeds without leaving the comfort of your own browser.

I prefer to use Google's Reader, which is a web-based Feed Reader. I do this mostly because I don't want excess applications on my computer, and also because I can access my feeds from everywhere.

Of course, all of this only works if the websites you visit have an RSS Feed. Many sites will advertise their RSS Capability with this handy little icon:


Most blogs have an RSS feed built right in, as well as many news sites. Don't fret about whether or not the site has a Feed, just try subscribing and if it doesn't work -- oh well! Hope they get their act together and take advantage of this great system.

Subscribing can be different from reader to reader. Some of the older ones require that you enter in the URL (http://www.examplesite.com), but most of the time you can just click the aforementioned icon, and your default reader will launch and subscribe automatically. Google Reader has a link that you can put in your browser's toolbar which will do the same thing.

So, if you have an RSS reader, just punch this site into it.
If you want to use Google Reader (which I highly recommend), or your own reader, use the handy MaxFeed pull-down box just below the TwitterBox.

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There are two more additions to the side bar. First was the "Follower" box. If you have a Google account (doesn't everyone), you can become a follower and advertise your slavish devotion to the world! It also automatically adds this blog's RSS feed to Google Reader.

The other is the new link to "Max's Shared Items" in the link list. One of the great things about Google Reader, is the ability for me to share things I find interesting with other people in the form of a handy (RSS-readable) website. Click it, see what I am reading and then add it to your own feed.

Here's that link again.

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Yes, the internet a completely self-centered enterprise. But because I am sharing my stuff is an invitation for you to do the same. And I hope you will (and I sincerely mean that to almost all of you).

Cover the Earth

When I was a child, I spotted the Sherwin Williams logo through the window of a home furnishings store. I saw it all the time, whenever I was driven up Woodward -- up by the Shrine of the Little Flower.

Immediately, I was convinced that it was the logo for an organization devoted to evil, world domination, and global genocide. Not unlike James Bond's SPECTRE or Maxwell Smart's KAOS.

I believed this because, to me, the logo appeared to depict the earth being drowned in blood. Later, I revised my opinion. I decided that the logo showed Sherman Williams covering the world in some kind of poisonous chemical.

Despite the wisdom that comes with age, I still find the idea of a world awash in Sherwin Williams brand red paint with the statement "COVER THE EARTH" no less insidious.

Blow Up Your Tee Vee

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I intend to build me a home, and eat a lot of peaches. If I still have time after all that, I'll learn to find Jesus on my own.

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At least one Interview this week, and plans to be in Philly for the weekend.

Oktapodi and Tiny Turtle

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And that's really all there is to say.

In Which This Becomes A Photoblog, and I Wax Narcissistic About My Crappy Haircut

Everyone that knows me will tell you that beneath this cool, calm, plaid, rugged exterior is a very vain little man.
I like to look good, but more than that: I like to look good while appearing to not care, and seem to have no control over my appearance.
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With tomorrow's interview, and another on Monday, I decided that I really needed a haircut. It was getting pretty mullety back there, so I printed out a picture of my first big haircut (the same used as my Blogger Profile) and went over to Mak's Place.

I will never go there again.

Initially, I chose it because of my good experiences with the Aveda School. While very clean, professional, and well run, I have come away exceedingly unimpressed. The woman who did my hair didn't listen to what I said (conversation or otherwise), and as I result I have "4-Years At A Marketing Firm Hair."
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Part of the problem is that she really didn't say what she was going to do, or ask what I thought of the progress. Our conversation about the hair consisted of her looking at the picture, and saying "So you want it short, but not too short?"

"Exactly," I said. "I like to keep it shaggy."

That is not what happened on my head.

I guess I am spoiled from the Aveda school, where they constantly ask you about the progress and always show you how it's coming along. I've surely been spoiled by the Aveda School prices, because I was not expecting this haircut to run me $45. Adding insult to injury, the haircut lady was "shocked that I have such thick hair" and cut it so short that I actually need some hair-product crap to keep it from turning into "Light Bulb Hair" or "Straddling A Van De Graaff Generator Hair."
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From Hair

From Hair

From Hair

From Hair

Why Isn't There A Song Called, "Tropical Depression?"

That storm was lame. I have sat through much more intense and frightening storms in Michigan. Sure, none of them lasted for over six hours, but still...!

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We gave Tenzing a bath yesterday. He was not upset, but clearly was only tolerating the situation. New pictures now on Picasa.

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Big news of the day is that I have an interview for an internship with the NFPRHA on Thursday. I am very excited. I want this job.

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Preposterous Song Lyrics #1: Ride My Llama, by Neil Young.

I met a man from mars
He picked up all my gui-tars
And played me a traveling song

This is ridiculous on many levels, but most importantly the song flagrantly ignores several facts about Neil Young's guitars. In 1979, when the song was released on the album "Rust Never Sleeps," Neil Young owned well over 10,000 guitars. Furthermore, it is well known that most of Neil Young's guitars are so massive that only Neil Young himself is strong enough to string and play them.

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Someone should make a band called "Inverted Smokestacks."

Here Comes The Story of the Hurricane

Hanna hit us around 7am. I don't care if it's a Tropical Storm, I am going to call it a Hurricane. Sounds more impressive.

As referenced in my twitters, I had to take Tenzing out to pee this morning in the rain. Unfortunately, the little blighter stayed true to form and needed to sniff around for about ten minutes before he could poop. Have you ever stood out in the rain, commanding your dog to poop in an authoritative voice?

The Weather Channel says we're in for 6" of rain -- possibly more. Cool.

Today's Playlist

1. Hurricane -- Dylan

2. Rock You Like A Hurricane -- Scorpions (Note: appropriate, since we are going to be rocked like a hurricane, and not actually by a hurricane.)

3. Hurricane Eye -- Paul Simon

4. Any Credence song, since they are all about rain

5. Down in the Flood -- Dylan/The Band

6. The Hurricane Song -- The Kids from C.A.P.E.R.

I Am Totally Going to Get Hit By a Hurricane

In case you haven't been watching along at home, the entire East Coast is about to get drizzled on by Tropical Storm Hanna.

I've never been in a hurricane, or a tropical storm for that matter, so it's pretty exciting! Everything I have read indicates that I don't have anything to worry about. I am not going to stock up on food, but I did check to make sure I had matches and working flashlights.

Keep an eye on the storm -- I know I will.

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One thing you may not know is that Washington DC, and the surrounding cities, are protected from major inclement systems with a series of massive earthworks and ground support system. This system is called, "Delaware."

According to all public documents, Delaware is a state like any other. It is in reality, a gigantic buffer zone to protect vital government institutions and free museums from storms, and giant lobster invasions.

The main line of defense is thousands of box fans designed to blow away major storms. Behind that is a barren No-Man's land of land mines, concertina wire, and pots of boiling water (to frighten the lobsters). Recently installed trip lines are intended to cause hurricanes to trip and fall on their faces, as they are notoriously clumsy.

The final defense Delaware has to offer is a catapult which launches citizens of Delaware towards impending threats. While this may seem on its surface as a horrible, callous thing to do it is easily justified. In reality, Delaware's citizens are not citizens at all but specially designed clones labeled with a hexidecimal number. These clones are used as cannon fodder in the event of Lobsters, and human shields in the event of Hurricane.

Once, a Delaware clone got loose and escaped his fate on the catapult. He now goes by Floyd, and he owns a KFC franchise in Madison, Wisconsin.

Behind the mass of bristling pungee-stick lined pits that is the lonesome expanse of Delaware is the massive labyrinth built on the holdings of Maryland. More than a few hurricanes have lost their way in its seemingly endless passages. Their mournful cries can still be heard inside its echoing halls.

Don't believe me?


View Larger Map

Google Chrome

Google is making a free, open-source web browser forged of vampire and werewolf resistant silver, imbued with the blood of St. John and pieces of the True Cross and debugged by Jesus himself.

Not really, but they get pretty lofty when they talk about it. Enough to get me excited (it does not take much to get me excited).

The important thing about their announcement is that they have decided to do it via Comic Book. And not just any comic book, but one made by Scott McCloud (Understanding Comics, Making Comics, Zot!)! I love McCloud!

Take a gander.

Everyday Can't Be Sunday...

The trouble with holidays is that when you are unemployed, they are a hinderance and not celebratory. Sure, I could use it as an excuse to not get any work done, but I already did that last Tuesday, and it was a day without distinction.

When you are waiting to hear back from perspective employers, publishers that might want to buy your story, or people you've contacted to interview, weekends and holidays are terrible days. This weekend/holiday was particularly annoying because the Metro has ceased servicing our station for some major track revision. Sure, you can hop a shuttle bus to DC National (I was told by a particularly tired and vitriolic DC native whom I met in the JFK airport that I should never refer to it as "Reagan") but that it is unbelievably annoying.

I should channel my restlessness into writing, or working for the Obama Campaign. Or just swallow my pride (and dreams) and take another gardening job.

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It's actually been a very nice weekend. Tenzing finished his medication, and he seems to be completely recovered. Today, he went to the dogpark for the first time in ten days. It did him a world of good -- he was also going stir crazy.

Claire has finished her orientation, and will begin classes in earnest on Tuesday evening. We agree that being a student is the best vocation.

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I realized that I didn't really talk at all about PEI. Nor have I delivered any pictures. I will rectify this shortly.